Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
