my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
