your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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