he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
