Hey man sorry I got all grabby
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
