so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
