no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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