oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
