I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
