you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
