sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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