So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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