How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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