take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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