I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
