You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
