I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
