I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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