Having a random hookup so left but love u
My first STD was from a foam party
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
