can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
