Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
well you can't waste a boner
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
