Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize