jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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