How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
