Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
