just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
