Are we in a gay sports bar?
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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