I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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