i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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