I can't watch pbs sober anymore
What did we do last night that was yellow?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
