He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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