Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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