Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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