Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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