I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
