This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
