Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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