Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
