Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just gargled with NyQuil
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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