I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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