so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
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so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
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Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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