I cockslap morals
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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