Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Randomize
