Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
