If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
