Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
