I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
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This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
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