Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
