Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
