Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
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