Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
