I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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