who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
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