Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
