I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
