god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
