If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
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If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I wish there were birth control emojis
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
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Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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