Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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