I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
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Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
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Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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