She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
