just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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