what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
