he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Pooping to opera.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
