i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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