I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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