she woke up with a sticky ear
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
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