We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
