I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
