I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
