allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
