We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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