In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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