You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
