I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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