guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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