I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
