Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Randomize
