Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
