ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
