I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
